#018 - Adventures in Humility - pt. 2

FEBUARY 2017 - JULY 2019

Baby Steps

So humility starts with generosity but also begins with self-evaluation. It is reinforced by trying situations and shown in the simplest of forms. You can sum it up by being humble, simple, and kind. Generally speaking, the more complicated items you introduce to your life, the more complicated your life can be. I do not advocate for a technology bonfire in which we burn all malicious and time-consuming devices, but our lives have become more complex than in previous generations. It is becoming harder to disconnect. 

It is more about what extended exposure to all this chaos does over time. And it’s something I think we’re going to tell our children we were ignorant about, like cancer-causing cigarettes or asbestos. Unlimited information comes at a price. The printing press sparked a knowledge revolution, and the internet is the same. 

Like in mind individuals.

I had a unique conversation with an Uber driver recently. When she picked me up at the airport, I knew we would get along immediately. I can sense this about people. Ego aside, she was this 30-something second-generation Trini-American. When she pulled up in her blue Prius blasting India Arie, my previous assumption proved true: it would be a great drive. 

It turns out she was the daughter of an army father and, believe it or not, an economist. Being a nerd for such things, I began to ask her about her upbringing and how it impacted her life. It made me think about God in a whole new way—as do most of my encounters. We talked about the current state of the economy, how authoritative parents cause rebellion in their children, and how living under our parents' authority shaped our current lives.

Because I’m the one writing, let us start with my upbringing. My parents were a good balance of strict and loose. I had a strict mother paired with a loose father. I used to say my father had about 200,000 miles on him when he and my mom married. I have a half-brother and sister who took authority out of him. It provided me with a strict love. I always knew my parents loved me, but I was the friend who was always grounded and locked in my room on the weekends. All because I challenged my parents’ authority all the time.

She, my Uber driver, traveled a lot with her father and received much of the same strict love that I did. Army parents are famous for instilling in their children the discipline they found in the Army. This is alright as long as it is paired with a strong, loving counterpart, as was found in this example. Her mother was from Trinidad and had a strict love like my father. Her father was more regimented like my mother. 

The third example is one I find too funny not to include. It is about her wife and what happens when two authoritative parents decide to have children. See, my Uber driver’s wife was always grounded, like I was, locked in her room on the weekends. Unfortunately, it was hard for her to cultivate friendships because of this, as it was for me as well. Every time my friends would call to hang out I was grounded and it became a running joke. I asked my newfound friend if her wife rebelled in an extraordinary way when she left her parents' authority. She answered frankly:

“She’s a stripper.”

A quick blurb about authority issues.

Submitting to authority requires humility, and the authority that God places in your life should be approached humbly. I find the easiest way to do this is with unflappable kindness. The more I get to know a person, the better I can provide support and submit to their authority. Ultimately, everyone wants to be known and heard; listening thoughtfully and responding thoughtfully is a great way to start. If you don’t truly know a person, this is a great way to start to do so.

If you want a quick tool for your conversational toolbox, ask the three questions I ask anyone I meet: What's your name? Where do you call home? Where are you in your family (oldest, middle, youngest, only)? This has started several meaningful conversations in my life, and you can understand a person better by learning these quick and intimate details. My name is Taylor, an only child, but also the youngest by marriage, with ties to Alabama and Georgia, with ensuing hilarity.

Avoiding the Humblebrag, which is not a Dr. Suess character.

Millennials and the generation coming after are inventing new phrases at an alarming pace. Words such as “swell” and “so’s your old man” are creeping into the vernacular such that conversations will soon be indistinguishable to older folk. All kidding aside, there is a word that fits the idea of humility all too well. It’s 2019, and in certain internet circles, there is a newspeak term called Humblebrag. Instead of trying to describe the concept, I’ll instead insert an upvoted definition from Urban Dictionary:

Subtly letting others know about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or "woe is me" gloss.

It’s a form of trying to show humility when, in fact, you are just trying to brag about your accomplishments or status. Here's a quick story to illustrate.

I was flying Atlanta’s favorite hometown airline this past week (Fly Delta Jets) and, in a “treat yourself moment,” decided to upgrade to First Class on my four-hour flight to LAX. I was looking forward to the meal. If I were to humblebrag about the situation, I would say something along the lines of the following:

“You shouldn’t be jealous of me because the meal in First Class was inedible.”

Gambling on traffic.

This one time, while I was running through the airport, I remember bargaining with God that if he let me make my flight, I would stop pinch-praying for his help. Like some things in my life, this one begins at five in the morning. And since I live in Atlanta, it begins with a massive wreck on 285, and no, I’m not speaking about myself, realizing I’m not going to make my flight. Let me add that this flight was on the way to see my parents for a much-needed vacation. There is nothing like starting a relaxing trip by sprinting between the concourses at America’s busiest airport, ATL. 

I call the wonderful people at Delta, with whom my previous Biscoff meltdown aside doesn’t have me feeling very optimistic about the outcome. (See later post about a Delta flight that was out of Biscoff) After a brief ten-minute hold, I’m told I can catch an afternoon flight for no additional charge. God is looking out for me. I reward myself by returning home and relaxing until I have to head out again. I think there will be no traffic this time; rush hour is over, and I’m leaving a good two and a half hours before my flight. A humility lesson is coming.

Never bet against the house in Vegas or some witty remark about gambling.

My gamble on 31 black and no traffic turned out to be a red alert situation that had me in some of the least white-friendly neighborhoods of south Atlanta. While navigating around another unfortunate traffic mishap and while a jaywalking dude was trying to hit my truck I realized that my detour had put me at the airport less than an hour before my flight. 

Humility facepalm.

So now, once again, I’m left in a panicked state because there’s no way Delta is going to let me change my flight again, let alone for free. This is why I found myself moving rapidly, trying to make sure I would make it to the gate before the plane's door closed. 

An old man standing next to me in security looks at me mournfully and says, “Keep booking it.”

I kept booking it and didn’t have to fly home to a disappointed mother the next day. Also, my roommate lost a bet because I made a flight the day I was supposed to. I have a habit of delaying trips to visit my parents, and I thought the rigidity of a flight would make it impossible. Apparently, not so. Apparently, I hate airport security even more than the six-hour drive. 

My return flight had me at the airport two hours before my flight. Fool me once. I thought that I was immune to traffic, full parking lots, and long security wait times. As a result, I was humbled in a minor yet life-altering way.

The meek shall inherit the Earth. 

With all things, have an attitude of humility, and the stress of your life will melt away. Humble people never have to worry about living up to an overinflated ego, which becomes a tiring chore. Humble people never have to worry about God providing for them because they are content in their skin. Humility opens doors and avenues normally barred and blocked by ego-centric thoughts. And I believe an attitude of humility gains a person the love of others quicker than food and money. People sense humility and are more likely to open up and have a relationship or friendship with those who behave in such a way. 

As Christians, we are challenged to be humble daily, for Christ is the ultimate example of humility. We are to set an example as Christ has set for us; we are to be the examples to those around us. Humble people influence unexpectedly and powerfully. It is truly a life-giving and life-altering lifestyle that can never be filled with regrets. We all remember times we let our egos get the best of us, other people remember those too. Humility is rarely celebrated but always appreciated. Humility leads to understanding and empathy. The ego leads to division and misunderstanding. 

My encouragement is to live life according to the unspoken agreement of the Southern gentleman. Find those who are humble like yourself and start building relationships from there. Remember that not everyone will act in accordance with your will, but you can always act with character and humility in all situations, even unfavorable ones.

Empathy gives the humble person an advantage in any human interaction. So be humble, and you may rediscover the people around you in a new and profound way. Also, always be honest, give kindly, and act honestly in all situations. All to avoid an encounter with the Humblebrag and act more humbly.